I feel that my Life is in a mess. It seems that many things havent been done. I cant seems to bring my Life back onto track. Everything to me seems so bleak. I can't forecast where am heading to. I need a Life. a Life which I was quite positive about. a Life which I never felt so isolated. a Life which I wanted, a Life which I pictured.

But where'd all these "Life" gone to? or rather where'd I lost it all to? Sometimes it just get too mundane, too drained, too lazy, to unmotivated, to less bothered. I hate to feel lazy, How can I always not get drained by the laziness and how do we often feel LESS lazy? Back then, (I dont remember how back was then) I could kill the laziness, I see it coming I screwed it right before it hit me hard. Back then (again) I could conquered it. Without fail, I always do.

So what had happened to me, or rather my "ability" to conquer the laziness and all the motivating Lifes, Lives? I shouldn't be feeling Life's a bitch cuz I dont believe it. Life to me is beautiful. But..... sometimes you just have to experience it and then.. conclude that Life sucks. Vice versa, to taste the sweetness of Life before you conclude again that Life IS indeed beautiful.

Many factors, financially, personally, work, studies, family, relationships and friends. Every single mentioned bring me back to Life. And if one happened to occur or perform bad, that's it. My Life will be in a messed up situation and again, I have to get it back on track so as to move towards My Life.

Sometimes I wonder why am I so easily fucked by things around me. How can I feel less easily interrupted and just move on with what I'm doing and just fuck them all it. Sometimes I could see me being strong enough to withstand it all but sometimes again, I feel all so shitty, being conquered by them again and again.

I always believe in the power of mind. My mind say YES means YES. I always believe the subconsiousness of our ability to outcast our external. but how do we apply it back ON REALITY? you read it and you find it easy. but when you try applying it, there it goes again, fucking your life. Difficult.

But right now I am really going to get my Life back on MY track. I should be doing it alone, with the ability of my subconsiousness and the power of MY MIND. Do you think I can? Yes I believe I should be able.